Welcome to my series – Great Mentor Advice – where I will share the best advice I have received through the years and how it can serve you too!
Throughout my career, I have had numerous people show up for me. If you have been as lucky as I have, you have had the right people appear when you need them to help you find your way. Maybe kick you in the pants when you most need it.
I have been lucky to have many mentors play this role for me throughout my career. They have provided such amazing advice, usually right when I needed to hear it most.
Some of their words of wisdom always seem to come back to me no matter where I am or what I am doing. Almost like they are little voices in my head long after our relationship is no longer active.
“When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready… The teacher will Disappear.”
~Tao Te Ching
One such piece of advice was given to me many years ago while being mentored by a leader named Kristin Hanson. She was a leader level above me during my time at Target headquarters and I vividly remember one mentor session in particular. We were doing what was termed a ‘walking status’ through the Minneapolis downtown tunnels or what some call the ‘rat maze’. It is essentially a walking meeting so you can be productive while walking from one meeting to another..
I was so grateful to have a bit of her time and insights that a walking status was great.
On this particular occasion, I really needed some perspective. I was facing a decision to make a professional change. I was really unsure if I should leap into the scary unknown or to stay with what I was comfortable with. Something I knew I was successful in doing. Playing it safe seemed smart and definitely had me sleeping better at night, but I was having a hard time letting go of a possible opportunity to trying something new. Something that I could completely fail at doing.
After explaining my options to Kristin, she looked squarely at me and said, “If a change doesn’t scare you a little bit, then you aren’t really challenging yourself. You aren’t growing. You are playing it safe.”
The real issue I needed to grapple with was did I want to grow or not. If my goal was to grow and be better then it would require risk. It would entail fear. If you want to grow, you are going to have to embrace some fear.
If you haven’t guessed, I chose to embrace the fear. I chose to grow. There may become a day where being stagnant sounds good, but I am not there yet.
Even though our paths have diverged and we have not been in contact for years, this advice has been such an important part of my decision making process. The lesson really sunk in. From deciding on numerous corporate roles in the years after this conversation to starting my own business, these words have repeatedly played in my thoughts. Mostly because it helped me think about fear differently.
WHAT IS FEAR?
Fear is defined in the Oxford dictionary as
: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger
(1): an instance of this emotion
(2): a state marked by this emotion
2: anxious concern : SOLICITUDE
3: profound reverence and awe especially toward God
4: reason for alarm : DANGER
We have all felt fear at some point in our lives.
WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?
Historically, fear has been an indicator to steer clear. Whatever is causing the fear is ‘reason for alarm’ or an indicator of danger. Fear is what kept the species going for so long. When something was feared, they went the other way and lived another day. For some, fear is a guiding principle for what NOT to do.
CAN FEAR BE A POSITIVE THING?
Yes, fear is a survival mechanism. We wouldn’t be here without it. However, there are times where fear might be misleading.
The truth is there is fear in everything. What if we chose to look at it as more of a warning sign. Maybe a reason to pump the breaks on whatever action you were about to take. Ask a few questions.
Some questions might be, ‘What exactly am I afraid of?” A great place to start is to understand what exactly do we fear and what would really happen if the worst idea were to come true. Once we have this, we can decide if the fear is worth embracing. Maybe craft a plan to feel the fear and take the leap anyway.
Reality is, if everyone ran in the face of fear we would still be living in caves. Playing it safe isn’t always an option for survival or thriving.
Part of Kristin’s advice is a reminder that fear shouldn’t be a reason to run. Look at what is driving the fear. I feared failure or looking stupid. Was that a good enough reason to not try something new? Clearly, the answer was no. My fear wasn’t greater than my desire to learn something new.
In this case, fear was a positive indicator that maybe this was the right thing. Being a little uncomfortable is simply a part of growth.
I won’t sit here and say the fear (or growth for that matter) is easy. Some days are better than others, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As you are going through your day, where do you have a little fear in the belly about a possible change? Do you want to keep playing it safe or are you ready to really understand the fear and maybe try something new?
If you ready to take some action, I might be able to help and am for you. Schedule a quick chat to see how I can help!
